Mike

It was a cripplingly early
baker's hour

I had 20 baguettes going
in the oven
when the phone rang

"Hey, it's Mike.
Is Ashley there?"

"No."

"Who is this?"

"Lee."

"Well, next time you answer the phone
why don't you say your name
so I know who the hell it is."

I hadn't even had my first cup of coffee
so I couldn't think of a good comeback.

I also didn't know
who Mike was.

"Is Julia there?"

"She stepped out."

"Could you tell her I called?"

"Okay."

He thanked me

which I thought was weird

A minute later Julia walked in

"Some dickhead named Mike called looking for you."

She smiled

She knew who Mike was

His phone etiquette

had finally paid off

© 2012 Lee Kitzis

Angel Doesn't Live Here

Cops kept coming to my door
2, 3 times a day they knocked
asking for "Angel"

I kept telling them
"Angel doesn't live here"

they showed me his mugshot

he looked like his crime
fat, tired
domestic abuse, bodily harm

"never seen the guy before," I told them

eventually the cops stopped showing up

maybe they caught him

or maybe Angel found his nice little slice of heaven
held up in a safe house
in a nowhere barrio
a Pringle can filled w/ cigarette butts
that dangerous look in his eyes

American as apple pie

either way
I didn't care

I just wanted Angel and the cops
to leave me alone

just go

and take the whole hell of existence with them

somewhere else

© 2012 Lee Kitzis

1 Table, 4 Chairs

We had two set-ups

one large one
stage
500 chairs
upright piano
in the concert hall

and a small one
a table
and 4 chairs
in the conference room

that was easy
I thought

we hung out in shop
the whole crew
cruising the internet
and ribbing each other

we were on the clock
with nothing left to do

it felt good
a nice change of pace

then I got called to the conference room
my boss met me outside the door

"this isn't going to be good"
he said

I walked in
two of the chairs were taken
one by an effeminate higher-up
and one by a woman I had never seen before

I knew what was going to happen
I had been through it before

they had their best sympathy frowns on

my boss was a good guy
a body builder
a gentle giant
who had clawed his way up
from our position
and went to bat for us
whenever he could

I knew he was the only one of the three
who actually gave a shit

who had a real frown

the other two
sat in their chairs

the chairs that had been set up
by myself

and the next guy they would call in
and the next

they handed me all the packets
I wouldn't read

we shook hands

and I left

I had done my job for the day

and they had done theirs

a little too well

© 2012 Lee Kitzis

Mitchell

I got a cup of coffee for myself
and a hot chocolate for Mitchell,
the security guard

I felt bad for him
a 6 am to 6 am shift isn't good for anyone

especially when they do it to you every other week

he told me god would find a way to work it out

I sipped my coffee
"Yeah," I said
"shit has a way of falling together."

Upstairs
the huge gala was in full swing
"celebrate good times!"
blaring from the DJ's sound system

Mitchell began to nod off

he came to

"You like football?"

"Yeah, a little. I missed the game last week.
I mostly watch hockey and baseball."

"Oh! The Hawks!
They're tied for first!"

His head began to slump again

I got up

"Alright, Mitchell."

"Alright, man. Thanks for the hot chocolate."

"No problem."

I walked off

I lost a bunch of money on my fight parlays
and couldn't remember if I clocked in

Mitchell stared off into nothingness
at the wall
somewhere beyond

and they danced

drunk on money
that fell from the sky

somewhere beyond that wall

they danced

© 2011 Lee Kitzis

HOT SAUCE UPDATE!

The wait is over! Bad Seed Hot Sauce Company® is up and running!

Two sauces for sale: Beelzeburn® (habanero) and Green Steam® (jalapeno/serrano).

Go to badseedhotsauce.blogspot.com and get some of that tasty spicy goodness!

Your Friendly Neighborhood Poet and Hot Sauce Maker,

Lee Kitzis

HOT SAUCE!

Sorry about the 'ol writer's block guys. But I do have some exciting news for any Scotch and Salad fans that also happen to be spicy food lovers. Yours truly is going to be launching his own line of hot sauce.

Two flavors to start: a red habanero and a green jalapeno/serrano. Both of 'em are gonna be really affordable, fiery and delicious as hell.

Keep your eyes peeled to badseedhotsauce.blogspot.com. Bad Seed Hot Sauce Company should be up and running within the next 1 1/2-2 weeks. And please feel free to spread the word to any chile head friends of yours.

Yours in words and peppers.

-Lee Kitzis (poet and ((apparently)) CEO)

A Good Crew

We'd grind it out
every day

hauling and setting up barricades
in the 99 degree heat

driving the flatbed carts
like maniacs

sitting on the top of the seat
one hand on the wheel
the other on a smoke
screaming at your woman
on a Bluetooth headset

building stages
for armies of the rich
their morning yoga
their morning Zumba
their morning whatever
not caring
swearing burping farting
19-year-old drunks
ex-brick layers
old sinners
blonde sons of cops
baby faced threatening
to "slap the shit" out of the punk Mexican cleaner
who eye fucked him

and the cleaners didn't do anything
because they knew the production crew
was tougher and meaner
and that Mike was "white boy crazy"

we're a regular UN council of fuck ups

and if you can't take a joke
god help you on this crew

I'm a gray haired Viagra case
Ralph earned the nick-name "Chili Nuts"
after he split the crotch of his pants
on a busy mid-90 degree day
John's "Pockets" cus he's always losing everything

everyone is something
and it's not pretty

but after work we drink
and look at the Chicago skyline
the park empty
knowing it'll all start again tomorrow
and thank god
we're not at a desk
or behind a counter

the beer cheap

and delicious

and the city glowing

careless
in the dumb humid night

like a peacock

with bums passed out
at its feet

© 2011 Lee Kitzis