Sorry about the 'ol writer's block guys. But I do have some exciting news for any Scotch and Salad fans that also happen to be spicy food lovers. Yours truly is going to be launching his own line of hot sauce.
Two flavors to start: a red habanero and a green jalapeno/serrano. Both of 'em are gonna be really affordable, fiery and delicious as hell.
Keep your eyes peeled to badseedhotsauce.blogspot.com. Bad Seed Hot Sauce Company should be up and running within the next 1 1/2-2 weeks. And please feel free to spread the word to any chile head friends of yours.
Yours in words and peppers.
-Lee Kitzis (poet and ((apparently)) CEO)
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Sunday, July 31, 2011
A Good Crew
We'd grind it out
every day
hauling and setting up barricades
in the 99 degree heat
driving the flatbed carts
like maniacs
sitting on the top of the seat
one hand on the wheel
the other on a smoke
screaming at your woman
on a Bluetooth headset
building stages
for armies of the rich
their morning yoga
their morning Zumba
their morning whatever
not caring
swearing burping farting
19-year-old drunks
ex-brick layers
old sinners
blonde sons of cops
baby faced threatening
to "slap the shit" out of the punk Mexican cleaner
who eye fucked him
and the cleaners didn't do anything
because they knew the production crew
was tougher and meaner
and that Mike was "white boy crazy"
we're a regular UN council of fuck ups
and if you can't take a joke
god help you on this crew
I'm a gray haired Viagra case
Ralph earned the nick-name "Chili Nuts"
after he split the crotch of his pants
on a busy mid-90 degree day
John's "Pockets" cus he's always losing everything
everyone is something
and it's not pretty
but after work we drink
and look at the Chicago skyline
the park empty
knowing it'll all start again tomorrow
and thank god
we're not at a desk
or behind a counter
the beer cheap
and delicious
and the city glowing
careless
in the dumb humid night
like a peacock
with bums passed out
at its feet
© 2011 Lee Kitzis
every day
hauling and setting up barricades
in the 99 degree heat
driving the flatbed carts
like maniacs
sitting on the top of the seat
one hand on the wheel
the other on a smoke
screaming at your woman
on a Bluetooth headset
building stages
for armies of the rich
their morning yoga
their morning Zumba
their morning whatever
not caring
swearing burping farting
19-year-old drunks
ex-brick layers
old sinners
blonde sons of cops
baby faced threatening
to "slap the shit" out of the punk Mexican cleaner
who eye fucked him
and the cleaners didn't do anything
because they knew the production crew
was tougher and meaner
and that Mike was "white boy crazy"
we're a regular UN council of fuck ups
and if you can't take a joke
god help you on this crew
I'm a gray haired Viagra case
Ralph earned the nick-name "Chili Nuts"
after he split the crotch of his pants
on a busy mid-90 degree day
John's "Pockets" cus he's always losing everything
everyone is something
and it's not pretty
but after work we drink
and look at the Chicago skyline
the park empty
knowing it'll all start again tomorrow
and thank god
we're not at a desk
or behind a counter
the beer cheap
and delicious
and the city glowing
careless
in the dumb humid night
like a peacock
with bums passed out
at its feet
© 2011 Lee Kitzis
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Starbucks
Cleaning the bathroom at Starbucks
is an ordeal
you have at most
a 2 minute window
before someone else needs to use it
and when you finish
there's usually someone waiting outside
on their last sip
of their iced quad venti
caramel macchiato
ready
for the inevitable
My best days are spent
in the washroom
10 seconds in
a Chopin nocturne will come on
and I am at peace
with the graffiti on the mirror
and the suspect looking
wadded up toilet paper on the floor
then
the handle jiggles
followed by another
even more violent jiggle
as if to say
break's over numbnuts!
get your 30-year-old ass out here
so I can pee in the sink!
I open the door
and there's a line
wanting to know
why their order wasn't filled
before they placed their order
I open the door
and it all comes rushing in
© 2011 Lee Kitzis
is an ordeal
you have at most
a 2 minute window
before someone else needs to use it
and when you finish
there's usually someone waiting outside
on their last sip
of their iced quad venti
caramel macchiato
ready
for the inevitable
My best days are spent
in the washroom
10 seconds in
a Chopin nocturne will come on
and I am at peace
with the graffiti on the mirror
and the suspect looking
wadded up toilet paper on the floor
then
the handle jiggles
followed by another
even more violent jiggle
as if to say
break's over numbnuts!
get your 30-year-old ass out here
so I can pee in the sink!
I open the door
and there's a line
wanting to know
why their order wasn't filled
before they placed their order
I open the door
and it all comes rushing in
© 2011 Lee Kitzis
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Eating
Working for checks
that might as well
not exist
my stomach
gurgling and growling
I talk to it
“I have no money.
What do you want me to do?
I’d fill you
with artichokes
and steaks
and scotch
every day
if I could.”
It lets out
a big fart
I agree
we decide to take a walk
my stomach and I
we walk by tapas bars
sushi bars
restaurants with
300-course meals
on teaspoons
silent stomachs
in the window
where the checks roll into
laughing mouths
it must be nice
it must be horrible
© 2011 Lee Kitzis
that might as well
not exist
my stomach
gurgling and growling
I talk to it
“I have no money.
What do you want me to do?
I’d fill you
with artichokes
and steaks
and scotch
every day
if I could.”
It lets out
a big fart
I agree
we decide to take a walk
my stomach and I
we walk by tapas bars
sushi bars
restaurants with
300-course meals
on teaspoons
silent stomachs
in the window
where the checks roll into
laughing mouths
it must be nice
it must be horrible
© 2011 Lee Kitzis
The Bell
They’ve placed a servant’s bell
at the liquor loft register
if a customer shows up
and we’re not there
they simply have to ring the bell
to get our attention
they placed it there
then they went downstairs
and upstairs
they went far away from the bell
while it rang
and rang
for six dollar pints of vodka
while it rang
and rang
for chew and lottery tickets
while it rang and rang
on our ears
and on the deaf
© 2011 Lee Kitzis
at the liquor loft register
if a customer shows up
and we’re not there
they simply have to ring the bell
to get our attention
they placed it there
then they went downstairs
and upstairs
they went far away from the bell
while it rang
and rang
for six dollar pints of vodka
while it rang
and rang
for chew and lottery tickets
while it rang and rang
on our ears
and on the deaf
© 2011 Lee Kitzis
The Man Who Screamed on the Train
I
He squeezed onto the train
elbowing a Chinese lady
brushing his crotch against a young blonde
There was a man next to him
his breath smelled awful
he was pockmarked and fat
like a well-fed feudal lord
the door closed
he noticed three people reading
the celebrity section of the morning paper
the train dragged
construction ahead
It came to a halt
the lights went out
everyone was silent
then an old lady
in a coffee-stained reindeer sweater
mentioned how excited she was
about crazy cupcake Friday at Jewel
to no one in particular
to anyone who would listen
this made the man sick
he opened his mouth and bent over
but nothing came out
he just dry heaved
and then
he screamed
he screamed
and he screamed
in full breaths
The veins in his neck bulged
like trapped anacondas
he screamed
like a man possessed
the newspapers dropped
the old lady left her cart of worthless shit
the passengers cleared the car
through both emergency exits
the man kept screaming
for some time
five people called in
a potential terrorist threat
and after 35 minutes
35 minutes of police negotiations
with a man who knew only one way of communicating
they shot him
one clean shot
to the head
he dropped
and stopped screaming
II
It was the first time
he had ever shot someone
he went home
and ate a Michelina’s microwave dinner
he didn’t feel bad
he didn’t feel good
he felt hungover
zapped
his wife asked him
what was wrong
his labrador looked at him
and tilted its head
he looked at it
he looked at it
then he opened his mouth
and did
what he had to do
© 2011 Lee Kitzis
He squeezed onto the train
elbowing a Chinese lady
brushing his crotch against a young blonde
There was a man next to him
his breath smelled awful
he was pockmarked and fat
like a well-fed feudal lord
the door closed
he noticed three people reading
the celebrity section of the morning paper
the train dragged
construction ahead
It came to a halt
the lights went out
everyone was silent
then an old lady
in a coffee-stained reindeer sweater
mentioned how excited she was
about crazy cupcake Friday at Jewel
to no one in particular
to anyone who would listen
this made the man sick
he opened his mouth and bent over
but nothing came out
he just dry heaved
and then
he screamed
he screamed
and he screamed
in full breaths
The veins in his neck bulged
like trapped anacondas
he screamed
like a man possessed
the newspapers dropped
the old lady left her cart of worthless shit
the passengers cleared the car
through both emergency exits
the man kept screaming
for some time
five people called in
a potential terrorist threat
and after 35 minutes
35 minutes of police negotiations
with a man who knew only one way of communicating
they shot him
one clean shot
to the head
he dropped
and stopped screaming
II
It was the first time
he had ever shot someone
he went home
and ate a Michelina’s microwave dinner
he didn’t feel bad
he didn’t feel good
he felt hungover
zapped
his wife asked him
what was wrong
his labrador looked at him
and tilted its head
he looked at it
he looked at it
then he opened his mouth
and did
what he had to do
© 2011 Lee Kitzis
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