Guarding My Post at the Retardation Station

The terrorists have attacked my skull
w/ a Lithuanian vodka hangover

while the pretty girls in Ugg boots
shake their asses

imagining sad songs
and grocery store magazines

I need a haircut
I need a shave
I need a glass of water and a good Jewish girl

I have no money

and the children on television
don't seem that adorable to me

God is tossing grenades at brown people

as the president laughs like a monkey out of breath

so that was my day

pass the peas

© 2007 Lee Kitzis

Magicland

Wake up

get the days Accuweather

-40 degrees with a -40 dollar bank account

eggs
sunnyside up
two slices of buttered (margarined) toast
cup of Eight o’ Clock Coffee

My brother just got promoted to trader
I’m happy for him

he was always the mathematical go-getter in the family
I was always the writing masturbator

I should pitch a sitcom to The U
Lee and Dan

“Lee! Did you eat all my cottage cheese?!”
“You can’t change me.”

(laugh track)
(cancelled)

I thought there was some magic in the city
when I was 16

I turned 27
and realized the magic
is pigeons

Chicago is a frozen hell in January
with trapper hats ugg boots aggressive homeless people

so I stay in my apartment
in a fantasyland of summer

as the pigeons crap pixie dust outside

I’m 27

when I was 16
I thought there was some magic in the city

I was also a virgin living with my parents

© 2009 Lee Kitzis