Whatever it Means

At night
I lay awake
staring at the faded plastic star on my ceiling
that gives the illusion of night
left by the people
that lived here before me
I think they were neo-hippies
and one of them owed child support

sometimes I think of wars throughout history
sometimes of women that passed me at work
or my neighbor, Dave
an obnoxious guy
but a good soul
in his basement apartment
lonesome
eating macaroni
his girlfriend dying of M.S.
in Grand Rapids

and sometimes
it keeps me up

and sometimes
I fall asleep fast

and then
there’re those nights
where I drink scotch
to the sound of the space heater

those nights
where I could care less
about the people on the street

and Dave is making desperate calls to her on the phone
while his cat shits in the bathtub

those nights come
a little closer
to whatever it means

and they don’t come
often enough

© 2008 Lee Kitzis