To a Woman

I

We’ll drive a Volvo
to Buckingham Fountain

drink rose
and eat cheese made by monks
that killed themselves over 200 years ago

while dogs bark
and your nipples soften

There will be fireworks
for some reason

mostly bottle rockets
kids are launching at us

I will read Donne

and you will say
who’s Donne?
and give me a relationship quiz

I will get a 95
and masturbate later that night
feeling proud that we were so compatible

II

I will wait two days
and then call you

I will leave a message
and make my voice sound deep
like a 95

It will involve me laughing nervously
and talking about deep-dish pizza

It will last three minutes

half-way through
I will forget to keep my voice deep
and sound like a nasally Jew

I will analyze the message in my head
over and over

I will get three new gray hairs

You will drink mojitos

and masturbate
later that night
thinking of Skeet Ulrich
for some reason

III

Five days pass
and I will erase your number from my phone

You will decide to try myspace
and meet a fifth-level Palladin warlord

he will beat my score
and ask you to move into his studio in Pilsen

You will make wine together

and smoke Camel wide-filters

You will have a cat named Charlie Parker

and a dog named Shit-head

and life will be grand

in a point system

out of 500

© 2008 Lee Kitzis