Harry Potter

Working the night shift at the museum
I've never wanted a drink more in my life

It's the Omnimax late show of Harry Potter
which means we get two groups

Kids in Marilyn Manson t-shirts
and adults who can't cope with reality

A 300 pound Chinese guy tells me he needs to use the washroom
I tell him he should exit at the top
he says he'd prefer to exit at the bottom

before the words "I bet" could come out of my mouth
he's out the bottom door

All the villains look predictable
there's the kid who looks like Blade Runner
the guy who looks like David Bowie did it with the Toxic Avenger
Helena Bonham Carter looks like Helena Bonham Carter with bad teeth

I like that the bad guys win though
not because I'm a jerk
but because I hate children
and like watching the loss of hope in their little eyes

and I'm sure they'll make another one where they find the thing that does the thing and the clouds part and light shines through and Daniel Radcliffe is 37-years-old

but until then

it's martini time somewhere
far away from Hogwarts

and I've never wanted a drink more in my life

© 2009 Lee Kitzis

Change of Seasons

There's a girl downstairs
she plants flowers everywhere
they line her porch
red purple yellow

my roommate and I
have a brick a shovel and three whiskey bottles
filled with cigarette butts

when her flowers die
in the winter

we'll still have
our brick and our shovel

only this time
we'll have four whiskey bottles
filled with cigarette butts

even though
her porch will be empty
it'll still look nicer

She's the prettiest girl I've seen
in a long time

© 2009 Lee Kitzis

The Way it Goes

First they'll take your arms

then they'll take your legs

they'll put you on overtime

tell your torso to pick up the pace

but you have no arms
and you have no legs

so they fire you

you somehow make it home

there's nothing on T.V.

and nothing to eat

your eyes fall out

your stomach collapses

when they find you

you're all heart

the landlord dusts the place
and raises the rent

© 2009 Lee Kitzis

Museum

I

There is a section of the museum
called The Idea Factory

it is a fountain
with balls in it

they never clean the water
so the balls end up floating in filth

I smell it
on the walk to my post

every idea before me

II

My insomnia was acting up

I managed to fall asleep in the breakroom

Two of my co-workers came in

one screamed "Aw shit! Lee's gettin' some z's!"

She slammed her locker and left

I made some coffee

III

There is a life-size astronaut
with its face cut out

thousands of people have put their faces in there

It's disgusting

© 2009 Lee Kitzis

no poems but this was funny

i was watching a special on msnbc. it was on marijuana in the u.s. they profiled this guy who was one of the biggest pot smugglers in the country. he made millions upon millions of dollars. the feds busted him after he left one of his notebooks behind at a denny's.

Writer's Block

A seagull flies low

carrying itself by the span of its dirty gray wings

then it disappears

I’m horny

© 2009 Lee Kitzis