The Man With the Sweet Potato Sandwich

I was on the train
during rush hour
and a man came on

he was eating
a sandwich
with what looked to be
some sort of sweet potatoey substance
packed inside

he yelled
"excuse me everybody!"

and then proceeded to swing
his giant backpack around

hitting people
in the stomach and arms

crushing businessmen
and old ladies

until finally
settling on me

like a dodo bird
nesting it's young

I expected him to move

but he didn't

he just stood there

pinning me
against the handrail

eating his radioactive
orange sandwich

staring into the middle distance

chewing

the chew

of a man on the cusp
of According to Jim
is a really funny show

and
I just shit my pants

not noticing

not caring

he was a god
for a second

then he moved

and it was gone

he was just a man

with crumbs on his lips

waiting on nothing in particular

waiting on the train

© 2010 Lee Kitzis

A UN Meeting in Aisle 17

Make it look pretty
he said

This is the grand opening

When I’m here

you’re gonna be facing your asses off

So we faced

me and the kid from Ghana

pulling the Fresh Burst Listerines
and Dove body bars out

he pulled
like his life depended on it

while the managers
smoked cigarettes
and talked about bowling

he pulled and pulled

for pennies

for his family back home

I pulled for rent

I was much slower

I liked the guy though

we were both pulling

while the rest of the world picked

it was the way it worked

it was the way it didn’t

© 2010 Lee Kitzis

Cleaning the Shelves

The old women on the laxative bottles dance

There’s a box of irritable bowel meds
with an ice cream cone on it

next to the ice cream cone it says
“vanilla twist”

next to that it says
“diarrhea”

I make my way to the “personal confidence” pads
when the muzak kicks in

I estimate I’ve inhaled about 3 grams of human skin cells

it must be 3:30

I check my cell phone clock

it’s 2:15

Depends
pour femmes

French is such a beautiful language

If you ask them why

why you have to do this

they’ll tell you

it must be done

if you ask them
for more money

they’ll tell you
it cannot be done

and the maxi-pads stay clean

your grandpa shits in his pants

and everyone thinks he was gardening

and you continue to inhale your forefathers
for a check that isn’t yours

You continue

with the bad music

and the dust

© 2010 Lee Kitzis

Greg

Greg has a tiny dress shirt

and tiny dress pants

his tiny hands
move across the calendar
filled with small decisions

he is angry

angry at his job
angry at the traffic
angry at his internet connection

angry at the fact that he has to shave his head
to cover up the fact that he’s bald

Every time he puts his name-tag on
his heart clenches like a fist

he carries it in his hands
as he moves through the tampon aisle
like an SS officer

searching for you

with something worse than a gun

he sees his name duct taped across every sign

Greg has lost his mind

he is a walking grocery store

when he finds you

he extends his hand

and gives you
what he has

it’s extra hours

you shrink 5 inches
your hair falls out

Now you’re Greg

a walking grocery store

always open

making small decisions

with your tiny hands

© 2010 Lee Kitzis

Winners

They flock to the lottery counter at Jewel

Sweat stained instant win tickets
cracked like a parched desert floor

The geriatrics in kitten sweaters

the bed-headed Indians
with tired eyes

reeking of B.O.

worse than the homeless

those who haven’t been spit out

waiting
in the mouth of the lion

buying the scam

fuuuuck
they say

give me three more Diamond Dazzlers

then they walk outside

sit on the bench

light a cigarette
and scratch

while the jaw tightens

and the tongue works its magic

© 2010 Lee Kitzis

5:01 P.M. at the Museum and Waiting

I'm doing a crossword puzzle

in about 30 minutes I'm going to get off work

get on the train

meet my parents

and drive another 30 minutes

to watch
my grandmother die

I shouldn't go

not
that I don't love my grandmother

I just never visited her
in the twilight of her years

not out of spite

just that she lived in Florida

to go now

seems almost insulting

when she finally arrived
in Illinois

she weighed

just over
a hundred pounds

and didn't know
who we were

there's no cure for that

like the fly
buzzing around my head

22 across
on the tip of my tongue

there's no cure
for it

doing
what it does best

© 2010 Lee Kitzis

Get Us Out of Here

The roaches crawl through the employee lounge

as we wait on invisible checks
to spend on starving children
and cheap wine

I find my comfortable place by the fan
and pop a Xanax

daydream I’m a jetsetter
popular with the natives
of every island

I’m halfway there
wearing no underwear

the quarters in my pocket
for ramen
instead of laundry

Anna
I want to take you
on a kitchen counter
and pretend it’s a balcony in Barcelona

we’re halfway there
as my AC struggles

as we do
folding clothes
tearing tickets

we’re halfway there

but the landlord’s
always waiting at the end

our island fades into a bedroom
our balcony fades into a twin bed

we fall asleep

broke
and dreaming

© 2010 Lee Kitzis

Brown Pants

I

I was sent home today
for wearing brown pants

I'm 29 years old
almost 30
I have a college degree
not that I think
having a college degree
makes me better
than anyone else
I've met some high school drop-outs
that are geniuses
and college grads
that can barely wipe their own ass

but still
I have gray hairs
and I was sent home
for wearing brown pants

by a good man
an ex-gangbanger
who turned his life around
who's the kindest soul in the world
and didn't wanna send me home
for wearing brown pants
instead of blue pants

but had to do
what he had to do

and I don't hate him for it

I don't hate anyone

I don't hate the pants

they're brown
and they didn't know

I don't hate the customers

they certainly don't got to a museum
expecting astronauts and severe weather exhibits and blue pants

I don't hate myself

they're pants

II

When I got to work the next day

the Omnimax projector
had broken down

the show was canceled
and all the customers
were filing out of the theater

the bosses stood there

None of them knew how to fix it

but they had blue pants on

They had followed
their own rule

they looked good

as the tourists walked out the door

and never came back

© 2010 Lee Kitzis

A Good Looking Man

I was on the train
going to work
with a grocery bag
full of chips

everyone was looking at me

and I thought

alright
I'm a good looking man

every time I looked up
the girls would look down
and the guys would look to the side

and I thought
alright
I'm intimidating

then I realized
I hadn't buckled my belt
back up

the strap was sticking out
underneath my polo shirt
and it looked like
I had a massive hard-on

also
you could clearly see
the Shopper's Value logo
underneath the thin white plastic
of my Jewel bag

when I got to work
I went to the bathroom
and looked in the mirror

I had forgotten to comb my hair
it was sticking up in back

I also
had crust in my eyes

I gave myself the wink and the gun

I was a good looking poet

© 2010 Lee Kitzis

The Fat Man, the Hooker and the Cockatoo (for Anna)

We sat in the park

and watched the fat man, the hooker and the cockatoo

the fat man clipped the cockatoo’s wings
so it couldn’t fly away

while the hooker smoked a cigarette
and squinted

it was business as usual

when my pocket was filled
with flowers you had picked

the pigeons came up
to say hello

with their fiery red eyes
and dumb thumb heads

the cockatoo presented the plumage
on its head

None of us
wanted to leave

but the hooker had to make money

the fat man and the pigeons had to eat

and you
had to go back to work

and I

couldn’t go at it alone

with a flightless bird

on a beautiful day

we held hands

and walked away

hating retail

hating the sun

© 2010 Lee Kitzis

Let Us Pray

Cell phone alarm goes off

Tuck in my shirt

salad
coffee
talking heads on the TV
smiling

more coffee

out the door
and it's moderately sunny

everyone on the train
is lonely
and running into each other

some believe in god
some don't

but they all comb their hair
and put their ties on
like they're going to church

kneel
to fix a copier

rise when our break's over

and lust

for the cashier

When we get our check

it isn't much

We spend it on wine
and tortilla chips

and the rest
goes somewhere
mysterious

some say Jesus

some say the gas company

some say fuck it and buy DVDs

and some commit suicide

I open the door
to 50 screaming parochial school kids

and punch in

© 2010 Lee Kitzis

Space and Below

Riding the train to work

I put my name tags on
Johnny Cash in my head

as a Latina w/ highlights
picks through her chips
like she's searching for diamonds
in a bag of shit

I want to make love to her
and take her Cheetos

The doors open

I get off

it isn't too hot
it isn't too cold

as the Hubble telescope
looks down on us

watching a movie
on how the Hubble telescope looks down on us

like a liquor store security camera

© 2010 Lee Kitzis

#1 Dad

I drink coffee
at the bus stop

and watch the NASCAR dads
and meth-head moms

drag their kids
into the building

their shirts stained w/ Wyler’s
fruit punch

tiny screaming miracles

I’ve got a good woman

she doesn’t want kids

we lay in bed

drinking cheap wine
and watching old Pink Panther cartoons

and when we make love

it’s nice

giving birth to
the quiet

in each other’s arms

we fall asleep

with a homeschooled cat

© 2010 Lee Kitzis

Crowd Control

The janitor and I stood there

watching the president honor the employees

“a special shout-out to Dave
who took it upon himself
to point out the TVs in the U505 exhibit
were distracting the customers from leaving
at the end of the day

no one from Guest Experiences mentioned this

but he took it upon himself
to put the TVs on timers

Now they shut off
at the end of the day

and crowd control is easier

Thank you Dave”

applause
cheers

The janitor didn’t say a thing

He just played with the toothpick
in his mouth

his eyes glassy
from Christian Brothers

I sipped my coffee
and looked at the cathedral-like ceiling

estimating how far a man could fall from it

without dying

then the president introduced

a woman with beautiful legs

she said there would be a pancake breakfast
in a week

I estimated a good 60 ft

the woman with the beautiful legs left

and sat down

I would never have her
or a driver’s license

They opened the floor for Q&A
someone asked what they planned to do
about the recent salary cuts
and increased food prices
in the cafeteria

the vice president
came to the mic
looked at the audience
and said
“anything’s possible”

then he left

and no one said anything

Just then
a toothpick fell to the ground

I looked up
and saw the janitor

61 ft in the air

“Anything’s possible!”
he screamed

then he plummeted

and hit the ground

dead on impact

I guess he was a waffle man

© 2010 Lee Kitzis