Rainy Day Poem

A beautiful blonde
walks her beautiful pit bull
on another shitty spring day in Chicago

a travel show host
eats penises in Japan

50 bucks a month for this

© 2009 Lee Kitzis

Work Episode #452, Flight Simulator Dad

Dealt w/ a guy in an I-beat-my-kid crew cut

wanted to know if the gunner did the flying

I told him the gunner did the gunning

he got angry

wanted to know if he needed to operate both controllers

no I told him
the gunner and the pilot have their own controllers

why is he grabbing both of the controls? he asked
pointing to the flight simulator monitor

I don't know I told him

He was even angrier now

John and Julia came to relieve me

and I left him there
in his tight shirt that read "Elmo Club"

Julia or John will tell him to protect the base at all costs

he'll crash into it and say there's something wrong with the machine

there is

the poet does the writing

the poet does the symbolism

© 2009 Lee Kitzis

Trusty Muse

Sometimes
I have my hand
elbow deep
in a bag of Cheetos
and wonder
Am I a good poet?

I could explore
the mysteries of being
or the depths of the soul

but then I lick my fingers
and think

Goddamn!
Jalapeno cheese
is way better than flamin' hot!

Fuck you Lord Byron

© 2009 Lee Kitzis

Employee of the Month

I was nice to a customer today

I said I'm sorry
there was a computer problem

I said I'm sorry
for the delay

She looked at me

She looked at me
like your Jewish grandmother
looks at black kids

I forgive her

I forgive that big fat piece of peroxide blonde
trailer-trash knock-off leather jacket crap

I was nice to a customer today

Let's see Jesus do better in East Chicago

© 2009 Lee Kitzis

Spam

So I got some spam the other day.

The title said: "You will get hard in seconds."

Why does that sound ominous?

Roll Call

Fat faux-Bostonian jagoff with Ray-Bans on and a suede jacket

check

Six-foot-four pederast in a Boy Scout shirt

check

Angry father in a North Face coat and his screaming children

check

Fake-titted cougar

check

Guy who makes ten times more than you
but still refuses to wear deodorant

check

Great
gang's all here

Here's Lee's work schedule

Before we start
I have some sad news to report

Polite guy who clearly understands basic instructions
died yesterday

Yea I killed him

so anyway

go out there and have fun

fart in the simulators
scream at your children
smell like onions
really put forth some effort

you were slacking a little yesterday

one of you left when the Omnimax film was over

fat jagoff
I'm looking in your direction

Alright
I guess that's it

Lee's lunch is at 11:15 today

so make sure you're back by noon

He might leave early

so I'm gonna need one of you to take the train with him

Homeless guy who clearly didn't wipe his ass just volunteered

anything else?
nope?
great
go get 'im

© 2009 Lee Kitzis